maybe you're on the street at night and your voice rises floats and falls mixes and mingles and positively exclaims and tugs at my elbow. it's enough to wake me up out of half sleep get my feet moving out to the sidewalk where I plant my ears and grow and I hear you but maybe I'm hallucinate maybe I'm not really there that night and you already said you were bed bound. but I do hear the tree leaves drop your echo like soft rain. I'm sick and I know it.
too sick to move off the sidewalk to take another step until sounds fade away. god yes the dark silence pushes me back inside to a place I don't belong maybe 100ft away from you curled up in bed by now for sure. it's my warm obsession that drives my heart furnace and furnished. and I think about you right before I sleep, make a pillow out of your name and chant it like a poisoned monk, he's gonna drown alright, I can taste the sharks swimming, it's more than I'll ever know. this time I crush grapes for jelly, stand in the fields and shiver alone about something, waste off my intellect with nervous energy, shake the brain so the grapes can grow in the left over. left over small ball of brain tremble makes home for grapes in rich soil. grapes grow, but shit. shit. shit if this time I'm picking them. fuck the grapes. they can't grow without water and my mind is switched to silence. avoidance strategies. I could forget all my best friends. I've been waiting for this since I met you. irrational patterns of acceptance and a shield of denial. I've hit the nail on the head. I'm switching to tomatoes.